Invalid Guilt

Invalid Guilt 

Love thorns, discord, was the prophecy to be alone? But still kept wishing on a wishing star to not be on my own. 

Thought I craved that pleasure just in my brain, 

But now I want it bad between my walking crane. 

So many young loves, I lost count, 

But just in my mind, didn’t want to give it away before I was promised safe and sound. 

Days passed away thinking about all those things we’d do when we met, 

And night, with the waves crashing into ecstasy with the resting fabric now drenched. 

But the oath answered, Remember when we first talked in the learning capture? 

Think about the time when you’re driving in rain, 

But a split second of overhead bridge comes, and there goes away any pain. 

Now we’re entangled in all the right places, 

The parking lot, the library, your white Chevrolet, even our lab spaces. 

Gone are the days when I kept paying for our stars to align, 

On my knees, passionately wishing you were mine. 

How lucky am I, because even during the slamming doors, 

My fingers long to be entwined in the blanket folds. 

So, mark your signature on a part of the never seen anatomy,

While I scream your name with a blissful ecstasy. 

Curses and Blessings: Story of a Stargazer

The toddler years were spent with youth and ignorance, 

But still understood the incidents filled with traumatic near-death experience. 

Moments of what can only be called excruciating pain,

Of when they stole everything you and your spouse have worked so hard for, gone all in vain. 

 

But at least his life remained whole, 

After all, in the end, that’s what matters the most. 

 

Then came the new city, the capital, the challenges, 

Family issues, foreign land denials, more robbery, imagine day in life of an unfit school adolescence. 

Bad luck every day, every year for nearly half a decade, the darkest night right before the brightest sun rays, 

Although this light would have to wait for another decade. 

 

But the permission to land in the most perfect place on Earth did come around, 

Finally, the family would be together even if just not yet completely safe and sound. 

 

Stranger in a new country, teenage petulance, different lifestyle, 

But wasn’t I the one who prayed in my knees every night for this to be mine? 

Typical teen, fought with parents about the trivial, wanting to make cool friends, exciting novelty, 

But lived below the poverty line while the rest of the school kids enjoyed concerts of some famous celebrity. 

 

But “have faith, be resilient,” someone from within and above promised, and while dad said to seize every chance,  

For even this uncertainty is temporary, and this soon shall pass. 

 

So many moves, academic unpredictability, changed three schools in three years, 

Even got in massive trouble due to the newfound pleasures. 

But I like to think I did the best I could, still luckier than most, at least we never had to bow down,

Then, came the letter that turned my whole life into what it is now. 

 

Thought to myself how I was now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, 

Was certain it was the beginning of the freedom, attending parties, finding the one, and that would be all. 

 

But spoke too soon as came the challenging lessons, thought I was the dumbest one in the group, plus both depressing and exciting love affairs, 

But with the help of now a stranger, I did pass the school courses. 

Made close friends, traveled from the deepest oceans to the highest Falls, but also broke many hearts than I care to count, 

Perhaps this is why, in a couple of years, Karma did catch me as if on a hunt. 

 

But that was not until for a while,

During which time, the boy did become mine, and I could have sworn I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. 

 

Then as promised, misery arrived and all things dissolved into dark, everything I thought was mine, 

Long-distance, employment denials, betrayal from sibling and friends, lonely nights, jealousy, and spilled wine. 

Crying on the bathroom floor, no one to vent to, my soul crumbled and melted, 

Prayed, “please, give me back the good times, I apologize, and I promise to never take them for granted.”

 

As the months passed by, I was forced to make peace with the time, 

After all, I did actually do the crime. 

 

Fast forward to the current day when I got the degree, the job, the boy, 

Although happy, need to keep reminding myself to be grateful, and that this blessing is not a toy. 

Time and again, life happens, and I become a tourist in my own homeland, 

But again, keep reminding myself all is okay, think of the journey all the way back from where I started. 

 

Grateful for everything that has happened, all good and even things that could have been better, 

For this is a story of your very own stargazer.